iq or eq (aka ei)?

"I want to be intelligent and smart.” That is a reasonable desire and I bet most wished it was so. High IQ envy is real we might even try a few tricks too increase our own. But there is something missing, something we probabily don't learn about until we are an adult. Your IQ is not the full story; there is a missing piece and I think the ancient Romans, specifically Marcus Aurelius, touched on some aspects of this something:

“These are characteristics of the rational soul: self-awareness, self-examination, and self-determination… affection for its neighbours. Truthfulness. Humility… It reaps its own harvest… it succeeds in its own purpose.”
“Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself."

This something is called “Emotional Intelligence”, and it's a different kind of intelligence than IQ. While IQ is important, after a certain threshold, our Emotional Intelligence (or EQ) starts to matter more. IQ will get you in the door with everyone else, but EQ sets you apart from them. So our desire should rather be for a higher EQ, after all:

Out of control emotions can make smart people stupid - Daniel Goleman

What is Emotional Intelligence?

EQ is about our ability to understand, evaluate, and manage our own emotions while using it in positive ways to communicate effectively, empathise, building relationships and relieving stress.

According to Daniel Goldman, the psychologist who popularised it, there are five components to EQ:

  • Self-awareness: this is your ability to recognise, examine, understand and evaluate your emotions, mood, strengths, weaknesses and how it can impact people around you.
  • Self-regulation: Self-awareness is life long skill that should be developed, but as you become more self-aware, and understand yourself better, you can exert greater self-regulation (or self-control). That is not the same as ignoring or suppressing what you feel or experience, it just means you become better at managing and also expressing those emotions at the appropriate time.
    "Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not easy" - Aristotle
  • Motivation: not external motivation but rather internal or intrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation means that you are compelled to fulfilling your own internal needs and goals. Its our drive to keep going despite obstacles or adversity. External motivations such as money, fame, and recognition is not what drives and motivates you to push through.
  • Emotionally in tune: Empathy is about being able to tune into other peoples emotions and being able to understand how other people are feeling. More than that it involves our appropriate response based on whatever information we have gather about ourselves and others while appreciating how our words and actions affect other people.
  • Social skills: Understanding yourself and others better can be put to good use in our day to day life. Building and maintaining deep, meaningful relationships all depends on how well we interact with other people. Emotionally mature individuals are able to to actively listen without interruption, take feedback (good or bad) humbly, giving feedback at the appropriate time, and have good verbal communication and non-verbal communication skills.

How is it different from IQ?

IQ stands for 'Intelligence Quotient'. It generally refers to our “fluid and crystallised intelligence” and the level of it is measured through a standardised test. The test is intended to assess and measure our logical abilities as well as reasoning and problem-solving skills. In short it generally refers to a person’s overall cognitive abilities.

Breaking it down then, fluid intelligence is the ability to reason and analyse. We use fluid intelligence in situations where logic, pattern recognition and abstract thinking is required. Crystallised intelligence, on the other hand, is our knowledge acquired through education and experience. Think of crystallised intelligence as all the facts and information we acquire through life. As we get older our crystallised intelligence increases but our fluid intelligence declines.

In summary, IQ is generally a predictor of our “book smarts”, analytical skills, logical reasoning and overall cognitive abilities.

Why is it important?

Now coming back to the start of this article. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be more intelligent. The problem is that we have a one-dimensional perspective of intelligence. This leads wasted energy in trying to increase IQ or wishing it were higher. We now that there is the different kind of intelligence, EQ, that is just as, maybe even important that IQ.

The good news is that EQ can actually be increased with deliberate practice. Equipped with greater EQ we can more easily build and maintain healthy relationships (personally and in the workplace), work in teams more effectively, understanding ourselves and others around us better and manage conflict appropriately. A better understanding of IQ and EQ enables us to spend our energies on what we can improve. Together they can lead to happier relationships whether they be with family, friends, or in business one. Not to mention a more successful life, whatever that means to you.